Noo! Ella was pleased to huv Boaby hame, but she was frantically rushing around trying tae organise the Holiday to Tenerife! Despite all the efforts of Boaby to get out of it, He soon realised that Ella hud her mind made up and there was no changing it!
All to soon the big day arrived, And Boaby and
Ella arrived at Glasgow Airport.
Oh! Look Boaby! Look at thae Aireplanes, Are they no lovely? Like big "Cigar Tubes" jist glistening in the Sunlight!
Said Ella, gazing lovenly out of the large glass windows in the Departure lounge.
Huh! look kinda flimsey tae me! If God hud meant me tae fly he'd a given me some Bluddy Feathers.
Oh! Shut yer face yee crabbit we Naff! Come oan there's oor gate, lets go and see.
Boaby and Ella walked over to departure gate 25 and looked down at one of the smaller aeroplanes, Painted dirty white and with streaks of what appeared to Boaby as Rust running down the Fusilage!
"Silver Cigar Tube" .... "Looks mair like a Weet Woodbine tae me" screamed Boaby It'll be a bluddy wonder if it lasts tae the end "o" the runway!
Och! Boaby stop moaning said Ella, Jist think! Ye'll soon be sitting
back getting served like a lord wee all thae Hostesses.
Aye! said boaby lookin at a large poster on the Wall, showing 3 lovely looking girls fussing over a passinger "Maybe it'll no be to bad"
Another half hour passed before they announced the Boarding of Boaby and Ella's plane, and then the Happy couple, Walked down the Gangway to theAircraft!
Boaby was first to enter the plane door, and came face to face with the Chief Stewardess.
Jeezes! exclaimed Boaby. As he stared at whit his simple mind, likened to an Albino Prune. The blonde haired beauty of the Airline poster was actually a gray headed auld bint of 60 if she was a day!
As they met, The eyes told the story! Boaby was disappointed that she wasn't younger and she was going to get revenge!
Yer free Paper! Compliments of "Titanic Airlines" now go and find yer seat Pal!
Aye! said Boaby still in shock! However he didn't have to go far as his and Ella's seats were right at the front, Beside the Stewardesses Pantry.
Ella plonked herself down beside Boaby and said "This is exciting init Boaby"
Aye! said the Wee Man trying tae pull his Bunnet further down his face tae hide from the Prune.
After around ten minutes the Chief stewardess approached Boaby "I Wunner
if yea could dae me a wee favour? I've got this big lad booked in at the
back o
the plane and he's to tall tae fit in the seat, Would yea change we
him so he kin get a bit o mair leg room .... Sur?
Whit! Nah! I'm sittin here wie the Trouble and strife and am nae movin, The lanky dreep kin staun! Anyway I'm jist oot o the Hospital and I need the leg room tae!
Ah Ha! shouted the prune, weel yea'll need tae move cause I need an able boadied man in that seat tae help me wie the doors in case of an emergancy!
Whit! I've seen yer emergancies oan the telly! There nae abled boadied people left, There all hinging from trees in bits... sae Bugger aff!
Yer nae movin then@5 she says Nah! I'm no .......Right then she said with a certain menace in her voice!
The ChiefStewardess returned to her pantry looking daggers at the Wee Man, However the hustle and bustle of take off seemed to calm the moment!
One of the Stewardesses switched on a training video, Showing the Passingers what to do in an Emergancy situation, Boaby and Ella sat transfixed
" Ensure your seatbelt is Securely fastened"
"Sit with both Feet flat on the Floor"
"Keep both knees together"
"Put a Pillow on you Knees"
"Rest you head on the Pillow"
"Aye" thought Boaby " The perfect position Tae Kiss Yer Arse Goodbye"
Suddenly the aircraft started to Shudder and Roar, Ella gripped Boabies Hand and in a few seconds the Lumbering Giant had climb above the clouds and people started to relax.
Oh! Boaby said Ella, Wiz that no excitin! A Wonder what the Free inflight Movie will be?
The Whit? said Boaby "Don't tell me they show films away up here!"
Aye! said Ella They show you free movies tae pass the time!
It'll be a Horror movie then said Boaby If that auld bint is anything tae go by. Nodding at the Chiefstewardess.
Oh! Look Boaby there's the Movie coming oan the Now!
Here! Said the Wee Man .... I canna hear it ... They must huv forgot tae turn up the volume.
Suddenly the Chiefstewardess and one of her crew appeared in the Asile pushing a trolly!
Here! Shouted Boaby, Kin ye turn up the sound oan the Telly? I canna hear a bluddy thing!
Thats cause ye huvna any Heidphones in, Ye daft wee bugger! Said the Chiefstewardess
Heidphones??? Whit Heidphones? said Boaby lookin above him, I dinna see any Bluddy Heidphones!
Naw! That cause ye huv tae Buy them! Here £5.00 a set!
Whit! .....£5.00 fur the Heidphones...I thought the movie wiz Free entertainment?
It Bluddy is! Ye kin watch it fur free, But if ye want tae hear it, Cough up yer Fiver and I'll gie ye a set oh Heidphones!
Here that's a Bluddy rip off! am no payin oot a fiver jist tae listen tae a Free movie!
Suit yer bluddy sell, Said the Albino Prune and pushed her trolly up the Asile, Accidently spilling a jug of water down the Back of Boaby's shirt!
The strange thing was, Every time that Dammed Trolly passed
Boaby's seat, The Aircraft seemed to hit a patch of Turbulance,
and another jug or glass
tipped over on to the wee man. Oh! the Chiefstewardess
was VERY apologetic on each occasion and with a handful of
napkins tried to dry Boaby off,
Managing in the process to Punch him in the ear, and poke a finger
into his eye.
After a long uncomfortable Flight, A soaked and Miserable Boaby was
glad to hear the Captain voice ring out of the Speakers
"This is Your Captain Speakin! We are approaching Tenerife Airport, So kin all Passingers please belt up......Sorry I always get that bit wrong!..Kin ye all ensure yer seatbelts are fastened"
OH! Look Boaby! ...There's Tenerife There Look! Cried Ella. Were going doon!
The Aircraft started its descent and touched down at Tenerife Airport, However rather than a smooth landing the Jet hit the runway!...Bounced back in the air, Hit again and repeated the Sequence.
Such was the SHOCK to the Passingers that 250 people FARTED in Unison each time the plane hit the Runway!
Wham...Praaap! Wham...Praaap! Wham...Praaap!
Eventually the aircraft ground to a halt, And the Captain voice again came through the Speakers
"Dam! but that's the Hard bit over! Right we huv arrived safe and sound
at Tenerife so ye kin all unbuckle and get aff noo! Thanks fur flying Titanic
Airways"
Come oan! Ella, Shouted Boaby. Am oot o here...Sharpish...Apart from the smell...This bluddy thing is full o Methane gas and could blow at any time.
Boaby grabbed Ella's hand and dived for the Door! On the way out his Boot came crashing down on the Chiefstewardess's Foot!
ARGGGGH! Ma bluddy Fit! Ye stupid we Bad Mastard ye! screamed the Prune, But to late Boaby was off and running.
Ah! said Ella .. Standing at the Belt waiting for their luggage, We'll fairly enjoy this Week Boaby! It'll be something tae remember fur the rest of oor life!
Aye! Maybe ... Said Boaby I'll certainly no furget the flight anyway, Am that weet a could huv swam here!
Och! Come oan Boaby cheer up said Ella grabbing their suitcases, Lets get a Taxi.
Boaby and Ella left the Airport and headed to a Taxi rank, There stood
a Swarthy man with a Mexican Mustache!
Here kin ye speak English Pal? Shouted Boaby. The man looked at him and shook his head.
Ach! Bluddy Dago's said Boaby, Whit will we dae Noo Ella?
Och! I huv a phrase book here Boaby, Now let me see! Suddenly the man turned and said Where the Bluddy hell dae ye want tae go?
Boaby and Ella looked at the Man ...I thought ye said ye didnae speak English Pal? said Boaby I bluddy don't he said Ma Names Alec and I originally came from Edinburgh!
Ach! Fur Christ sake! said Boaby to Ella ..Ye drag me all this
way, and the first person we meet is a Bluddy Cabbie frae Emmbra ...
This jist get worse
and worse!Look pal! I havenae all night! so jist tell me
where ye want tae go, Then get yer Arse in the cab.
Ten minutes later Ella and Boaby were at their Studio Apartment, and ready for more adventures in Tenerife!